After high school I had no idea what I wanted to do. In my family there was no alternative to going to college, so that was a given. That's a good thing in many ways. So, I started at Parkland as an art major. I took some of the beginning studio classes and found that I didn't have the patience or confidence to be in that program right then, and I had been interested in psychology since high school; so I switched majors to psychology and then transferred to the U of I after two years. Continuing my psychology major, I found that my interest had decreased substantially, and I felt lost. My dad, who had a joint appointment at the U of I as a professor of musicology and also anthropology, advised me to get a bachelor's degree in anthropology, so that's what I did. It sounded somewhat interesting, but the main reasons I finished that degree were that I had to finish a degree because it was expected of me, I hadn't figured out what I really wanted to do, and my dad was strongly advising me to go the anthropology route. I enjoyed a number of my classes and learned a good deal, but in the real world I wasn't qualified for much...I became a secretary at the U of I where I stayed for four years.
What was I really interested in all of this time? Music and art. I dabbled in little art projects, did a little painting here and there, and made jewelry and other crafty items. I played in some pretty lame cover bands, but it was fun. Again, a couple of reasons why these interests/passions weren't nourished were that I lacked confidence in myself and my abilities and also that I was expected to have some kind of full-time, secure job with good benefits. The safe route. Whose expectations were these, I have to ask myself again? I know my parents had these expectations but also wanted me to be happy; however it really was ingrained in me by my dad that you have to have security, health insurance, etc. Who else expected it of me? Did I expect it of myself? I missed out on a lot because of fears of disappointing someone or many people! I missed out on developing and following my dreams because of fear of failure, mostly.
So here I am, probably more than halfway through my life, and I'm actually doing things about which I'm passionate—art and music. I started writing songs in my 30s and put a band together to record the songs and then play shows to promote the record and support my efforts. I didn't really follow a dream until that point in my life, and I was still stuck to keeping a secure day job, which at that point was teaching elementary school (definitely a field I joined because of what I thought I was expected to do). I let go of the "secure" part of that statement after teaching for ten years and quit my teaching job to go to massage therapy school. I worked as a massage therapist for a great clinic, made pretty decent money, and enjoyed what I was doing. And, it was not a job with benefits like paid time off or health insurance. It took a lot for me to let go of that "expectation" and do something I wanted to do. Massage is pretty hard on one's hands, thumbs, wrists, shoulders, and so on; at least it was for me, so I explored some options and decided to go to Parkland in graphic design. Now I was feeding another passion—art.
Music and art are both creative fields, and so I feel like I'm in a really good place. I have an acoustic duo with a partner with whom I completely mesh, and we recorded a CD to be released in a couple of weeks. It's the most fun I've ever had working and writing with another musician. We play out every week—a great tension relief and break from the demands of school. And now I'm getting ready to embark on yet another career; actually I now have a part time job as a graphic designer at a design agency and I still have a few more months of school before I graduate. My point is that it's taken me this long to feel like I'm doing the things I want to do—love to do—not the things people expect me to do. This is exactly what Kleon advises people to do. Create the things that you want to exist in the world. Do it now. When I was at a loss for what I should do next in my life, I did, as Kleon strongly advises, ask myself, "What would make a better story?" We are here in this life, in this body, with this mind, for a very limited time, and we know it will end but have no idea when, so we have to ask ourselves what the most important things are to us and do them.
I still have a long way to go to get to a place where I always know what I want and even what I like for that matter. Most times I do know what I like, and I think if I learn to follow that, I'll be more certain of what I want and what I want to do. So I got a lot out of this chapter and am looking forward to continuing reading the book.
If I could rewrite my life, I would have stopped believing the fearful thoughts that come and go; I would have started a meditation practice which helps one develop an unconditional friendship with oneself and get to know oneself, who we are at our best and who we are at our most messed up, accepting all of it. I would have learned self confidence and become a risk taker quite early on so that I could have gone ahead and done things I loved, not just the things I thought were expected of me. Maybe I would have had some real success with a music career. Maybe I would have explored art or design much earlier and be a successful and well respected designer by now. Maybe I'd have gotten really involved in animal rescue or something related as I'm also extremely passionate about animals in so many ways. Honestly it's hard to say that I would want things to be different from what they are right now. I really try to practice full acceptance and nonresistance of every moment as I'm in it; the mistakes I've made in my life have been some of the factors that led me to where I am right now, and I feel very fortunate in this very moment. I'm happy about what I'm doing in my life. I couldn't have happened any other way than the way it did. I'm a whole lot wiser than I used to be, but part of that wisdom is knowing that we all know how it feels to be completely lost, to be a complete mess, to feel embarrassed about ourselves, and also to feel comfort, love, joy, satisfaction, and peace. We all fuck up. We all do good. I'm here, now, making the most of my life as much as I am able. Every moment counts. Every creation counts. Opportunities to learn are in our face all of the time. No, I wouldn't rewrite my life story, but I am more aware now that I do have the ability to write the rest of my own story the way I want it to be. I'm really fortunate in this life!
An exercise that Kleon suggests (p. 48) is to create something based on the imagined collaboration of your favorite creative thinkers and doers with you in the lead creative position on the team. I decided to create something as close as I can to what I imagine I could create with three designers I truly admire: Jessica Hische, Milton Glaser, and David Carson on my team. References and my final created piece are below.
Jessica Hische
Milton Glaser
David Carson
Gloria Roubal, "in collaboration" with the above designers
P.S. Brian Eno is awesome. I will probably write a review of something he created. For now I'll say that I love something he said that went something like this: "The older I get, the more I realize that I'll commit to anything that is far enough in the future." I just find that funny and so true for so many people! Ha!
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